Friday, February 25, 2005
Reading a book at the moment entitled Rachel's tears. She was one of thirteen people who were martyred in Columbine in 1999. She was a christian and she wrote about God and her feelings towards Him in her note book and on scraps of paper that she stuck everywhere in her room. Still reading it, so not much to comment, but when I finish you can expect some of my thoughts and comments here. so far... I can just say that Im kind of asking the same questions she asked.
had meeting after GB today. and at the end, Dm wanted to arrow somebody to do the closing prayer since she was arrowed to do the opening prayer... and sy was on her right. I had this strange feeling that she will pick me. so when she pointed to her right, my face must have been so transparent, I think I showed that I was quite happy that it was not me. then she said suddenly said," I think we shall have jean." then I was like "Wa lau..." kena saboed. yeah so no choice must close. after the prayer, sy laughed at me. oh well. I should learn to hide this transparent face of mine.
is t angry with me? i keep brushing him aside. I really don't know why I act so differently in front of t. why? why? Vank... I think I am hurting inside. why am I so bad at showing appreciation and concern for the ppl?
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
aaah... so sian. Don't know why but this week I just don't feel like studying. I sit at my desk with the notes in front and I stone. so anyways... no point taking the tests this week cause I know what the results will be. :) Where did I get this slacker cum escapist cum procrastinator attitude?!?! This is bad. I am unhappy with myself.
Quit SFC . I guess God does work in his own way, somehow I just didn't feel a passion for SFC and I keep feeling that GB is what He wants me to do? as Charm said, it doesn't matter which or where, but I can serve God in every aspect of my life and in everything I do. so I hope that the Lord will be pleased with Charm and I.
results are coming out soon. either monday or friday. if you ask me how I'm feeling about it, I'll tell you to ask me the night before. I'm numb at the moment, no expectations.. ok maybe I hope for a single digit, not anxious or nervous. I will go where the Lord takes me...(hopefully without grumbles and grudges). Vank, Mel and I made an agreement. If we don't do well.... Vank will cut her hair short, I will pierce my ears and mel will shave her legs. haha. soon after the words came out of our mouths we started to regret saying it already. too late! no backing out! well if u see me with pierced ears you know what happened. :)
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Romans 8: 35-39
35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerers through Him who loved us.
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.
God's love for us is unchanging, everlasting, ever protecting. His love is perfect. This song reflects all my thoughts. I first heard it in Batam, during the saturday worship. Can't really remember the words but here goes anyway.
I have known the Father's Love for me,
He's been good, He's been good
Through it all,
He's always there for me,
God's been good to me.
When I look around, and I search deeper, I know God has been truly truly good to me. yet, here I am complaining about my life, the smallest discomforts. I've been spoilt rotten and I don't even know it. haha. Too protected, too secure in my own private world. And now God is trying to teach me to rely solely on Him, to put my trust in Him. And it hurts, it really does. but then I am reminded that He will not put us through any trial or temptation that we will not be able to endure. That's a Father's love.
Should I go back for GB or go for SFC? My thinking is that I should go GB, shall ask for God's guidance abt it though.
Monday, February 14, 2005
I just got a new quote from Bev.
God has gifts for you:
A Light for every shadow,
A Plan for every tomorrow,
A Key for every problem,
And a Joy for every sorrow.
yup. Valentine's Day! a highly commercialised day, so much so that nobody really remembers the real meaning for Valentine's day. Can you imagine if that should happen to Christmas? That better not happen. to all those who caught the valentine's day spirit, Thanks for all ur gifts and wishes! yay! (esp to 4/6, the picnic was great!)
During morning worship, we sang Above All:
Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth
CrucifiedLaid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
and suddenly I just started crying. till now I don't really know why. I've sung this song so many times, and somehow the words never got to me, but today. It suddenly seemed different. I just stood there, hands covering my face, tears flowing down my arms.
After school, picked mel and jan up, bought food for the picnic and went to the botanic gardens. The place is beautiful. The grass and shrubs are a dirty green cause it hasn't been raining, but the whole effect makes the garden seem like a desert after a rain. Ironic isn't it? The weather was cool, not too warm, not too gloomy, and with the breeze, best place for a picnic. And the company? was just perfect. Couldn't feel more at home. Thanks ppl. love ya forever. Happy V day!
then to a bubbly, lame, adorable person whom I know... this is dedicated to you. Ur the only person who calls me Buggie. and u know? I don't say it, but in a way its nice. you accept ppl for who they are, which makes you a great friend. hmm... what else to say? the way u walk is super funny... but I better not say much later u suan me. haha. Bui Eh! You're a great friend, don't ever change urself to just to please others yar, but do everything for the glory of God above! Love ya!
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Scenery around Lake Tahoe in winter
Monday, February 07, 2005
decided to include writing my reflections for QT.
We are saved by faith through Jesus. not by works. God shows no favouritism, its the same for everyone. No amount of good works that we do will redeem us. sounds simple. but I'm challenged to think about certain things. What exactly I'm I doing things for? My mind tells me to do it for God, for the glory of his name, extension of His kingdom. but is my heart, actions and words in tune with it? do I do things just for men's praises, for my own benefits? And indeed, I am guilty of it. Its so easy to lose the focus on Him, to rely on others, and on myself. and for each time I reject God, I wonder how much hurt I cause Him.
God sees everything, knows everything. He knows my heart and thoughts. when will I be fully willing to let Him take control of everything in my life. For Him to be my top priority?
Sunday, February 06, 2005
my good frens
Friday, February 04, 2005
Was allowed to skip SFC today to go back to Smss to sell fun fair tickets. We only sold 13 tickets. Most of the girls didn't have enough money because they made the announcement over the tv messaging. and nobody reads the tv messaging. yep so I guess that accounted for the poor sale of tickets. (and maybe cos 4/6 ppl in sa have been gg back to sell tickets :D)
Then mel, vank and I went to vank's house to swim. The three of us in that pool, I think we made it sound like there were 50 people in there. haha. oh well. Its quite strange that we were so energetic because like just an hour ago we were dying in school. We da baoed dinner from taka food court and ate dinner by the pool side. The food was cold, the wind was chilly, but the fellowship we had was so warm and fulfilling. after dinner, we went upstairs to eat beard papa cream puffs with ice cream. Recieved an sms from Gen saying that mrs seet called her up to ask her to do posters for Anne of Green Gables. and of course, gen being gen just had to agree. Well.. at least it means that the school treasures Gen's art. She will be remembered for many years to come. haha. Seems like all the teachers remember 4/6 04. what was it that made us click? I reallly don't know.
meeting up with 4/6 ppl has this recharging effect. In a sense I think it helps fill the void in us, but come to think of it, meeting too often might not be very good for us either. We might just remain too reliant on each other, making it even harder to adapt? maybe its just me though. silly old me who doesn't like change. maybe one day I'll wake up and realise that everyone has moved on and so should I... but half of me dreads that day.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Vank and I decided to stay back after school on tuesday to do Math tutorials. but you can guess what happened, as always... we ended up eating, talking, sleeping, laughing, walking around.. everything but not doing what we were supposed to do. typical isn't it. its just so us (st margs-ish).
After that we went orchard for dinner, and on the train there the both of us were just stoning, at KFC we were still stoning. anyways. bought food, took a bus down to Vank's house and the two of us sat by the pool side, eating, talking, enjoying the breeze, the glub glub sound of birds drinking from the pool and of course gazing into each other's eyes. haha.
I never would have imagined myself sitting there with Vank talking about God, 4/6, new changes in our lives. and much of the stuff that are bothering her, are actually the same things that are bothering me. Questions about our future, questions about our relationship and daily walk with God, our doubts abt the education system in s'pore. really enjoyed myself. and genuinely from the bottom of my heart, thanks Vank.
I miss talking so openly and freely with ppl. I'm tired. so tired seeing new faces everyday for the past weeks. Its nice getting to know more ppl, yes. but its like I overdosed on that. saturation. I yearn to be with ppl who know me as well as I know them, ppl who have become such an important part of me, that my heart still aches everytime I think of them.
Some new friends(gen, soap, hui ling... ) I've met however, have been a great source of comfort, so I can't say that God hasn't answered my prayers. its just human nature I guess, to reminise the past that has been taken for granted and to whine about the present. haha. Tests are coming up soon, the bulk after the chinese new year holidays. there is a time to work, a time to play, a time to rest, a time to cry, a time to laugh, and a time to get back to studying for the bio test this friday.