Friday, February 24, 2006
I was very touched by what F and R did today. really, this is what friends are for. Im really admire how much you guys put in for ur friends... When you guys went to the dustbin to take it back for R, I was so so touched. You guys comforted her, made her feel better, shows how much ur willing to go out for a friend without expecting anything in return. There's so few of such ppl on this earth. truly truly thank God for you guys.
Friday, February 17, 2006
had a bad day today. gr. so many things went wrong. First it was to G, and I think it was super unfair for her. Everything was not going in her favour and G!!! I think you were great up there. Cheer up ok? This doesn't make you bad at what you do.
Then I messed up with the balloons. Shall not put up the details. But basically,its question of integrity And Im so so ashamed. In our excitement to sell the things, we really shouldn't have made use of them. Why didn't it occur to me before, the consequences of what we were doing.
Why didn't I stop it, when I could? Just feel that people had that expectation of me, and I let them down, I let God and myself down for not doing the right things.
I have a big red 'copied'written on my physics practical. got scolded for letting someone else copy my work. I guess that's really my fault. so fine. I shall not let anyone copy my work from now on. gr.
If that's not enough, my phone died on me when I was at the drama fest. and it ended super late.How was I supposed to know that L was waiting for me and T was trying to contact me? I know I made everybody worry, and Im sorry. alright... maybe I should have called before I left, would save everybody so much trouble right? and if I didn't sound appreciative that you guys were looking for me, Im sorry again. I just keep causing trouble to others around me when I could have avoided all this. I 've been feeling bad the whole day, I don't need another reason to feel bad again.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have said in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched , "I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.
"No!" I shouted rushing to Him.
All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written"
Friday, February 03, 2006
ren and peiyu are so wonderful!!! on wednesday, in school I was whining a lot that I felt like eating xiao long bao. Ren said she didn't have cca,so she could go eat after school. Then I said I got council meeting, cannot.Ren laughed at me la, so evil. After class, I went for meeting. Then just before meeting started, ian told me that ren had bought be a cake and that it was in the sc. then I was "oh so nice!" later, I got a message from pei yu saying,"dreams do come true." I walked into the SC after the meeting and I saw a crystal jade plastic bag. I was so Stunned! really didn't know what to say. was really very touched and happy! After that kenneth tried to trick me to sharing my XLB with him. ahhaha.
To ren and fishyu: Thanks, it was really very yummy and sweet to the heart as well. :D
happy birthday joel! today is joel's 18th birthday.
I and S planned a surprise birthday party for him, yay! so after functions meeting today, L and I went to his house together. When we got there, I was like kan chiong spider la, keep going through the plans , worry this worry that. haha. but he's very good at planning la! yay I! Big Thank you to J's sister, mother and father. When the time came for the big surprise, J came down the stairs and he saw us with the poppers. Then he said very calmly, "haha thanks." so anti climax la. hahaha! but its ok, we know that secretly inside you are very touched. haha. We ate a lot! Chocolate fondue! yum, nice to eat and play with. We smudged the chocolate onto J's face, he looked like he was bleeding chocolate. We even used the chocolate as hair gel. Before I left, he rammed his head into my back, staining my shirt. :( haha. but its ok, its his shirt anyway. borrowed one from him because I didn't bring extra change. oh well, glad he enjoyed his birthday.
To fawn: hey hey! Thanks for ur sms during physics. Sorry didn't reply. yah man! I love weekends! physics is like the only class that our class is united in being late for. You should have seen it today. We were all crowding outside the photocopying shop instead of going to class. haha. Then I think we were 15 min late for class. haha. ops. miss you a lot. how are you?
WALK IN FAITH.
Just like Heaven
Pride and Prejudice
Chronicles of narnia
Wallace and Gromit
The Family Stone
Memoirs of a Geisha
In her shoes
walk the line
I not stupid too
The Constant gardener
Yours, mine and ours
V for Vendetta
Ice Age 2
Tristan and Isolde
Take the lead
Over the Hedge
X-men: The last stand
She's The Man
Just my Luck
The King And His Clown
Lady in The Water
Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
gen ah soh
`Learn how to cycle